An old man wrote this as a review to a place he was stayed at in Tenerife, had me chuckling

“I'm 85 you know.”
Reviewed 1 week ago
I stayed at the Noelia Sur in February for a couple of weeks. As usual, my old hag of a wife did her best to ruin my holiday by coming with me. We flew with Thomson, which was pretty standard and uneventful, although we had a very bumpy landing, which frightened my dearest half to death - good try Captain. Lets hope you succeed next time.

The hotel itself was very nice indeed, very clean and in a good location. Check in was quick and in English, the best one out of all the languages. We were even given a welcoming glass of bubbly which was vintage £1.99 HyperDino own brand, lovely after a long days travel, especially at my age. I'm 87 you know.

The hotel is very compact and designed in a horse-shoe shape (like a letter U if you struggle to visualise a horse shoe) which means that a lot of rooms are permanently in the shade. We requested a room with a pool view which -to be fair- we did get in one respect, although what we actually had was a view of the pool belonging to the building next door, so dont forget to add the words 'of the hotel I am staying in' when you make your pool view request.

Like others, we did find a problem getting some English channels on TV and that made me cry. I cried and cried and wept and wept. I sobbed and sobbed and bawled and wailed. Then I remembered there are starving and homeless people in the world and here I was on holiday in the sunshine, with people running round looking after me, cooking my dinner, doing my washing up and making my bed for me. This brought me to my senses. Then I saw a cracked tile in the bathroom and the grouting had gone a bit grubby and I started crying again. Like a baby that had lost its dummy.


The food was blumming smashing with plenty of choice in the evenings, everything was nice and hot too. There were even English sausages for breakfast every day which is quite unusual and definitely a plus point. The only thing I didn't like was that the tables are packed in very, very close together and as a consequence the German man on the next table kept staring at my sausage when I put it on the table. Mind you, I did sneak a peek at his wifes melons when he wasn't looking.

The hotel entertainment was OK. The Beatles tribute were good but The Eagles would have been better if they got rid of England manager Roy Hodgson as the lead singer. And played less songs by the Eagles.
I did not see the Robbie Williams act but I was told he did NOT behave like an annoying little prat, so he cant have been very accurate at all.

All the staff were terrific, the receptionists, bar staff and waiters were very friendly indeed and the cleaners and the animation girls' legs were grrrrrrreat. It doesnt hurt to look. Even at my age, I'm 91 you know.


We did not get a problem with mosquitoes but my wife encountered a large cockroach on the balcony one evening. Such was the shock of coming face to face with one of the most repulsive creatures on Gods earth, that the cockroach had a heart attack and died instantly. My wife was unhurt. Very sad.

So all in all, I recommend this hotel for the reasons what I have written above.