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*~* Shorty *~*
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Quote *~* Shorty *~* Replybullet Posted: March 29 2005 at 5:47pm
Aww... I love this one!
 
Five lessons to make you think.

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a
conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the
last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen thecleaning woman several
times.  She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her
name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.  Just before class
ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz
grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor.  "In your careers, you will meet many
people.  All are significant.  They deserve your attention and care, even if
all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson.  I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on
the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm.  Her
car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride.
Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those
conflict-filled 1960s.  The man took her to safety, helped her get
assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door.  To his surprise, a
giant console color TV was delivered to his home.  A special note was
attached..

It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night.  The
rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits.  Then you came
along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just
before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly
serving others."

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy
entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table.  A wa! itress put a glass of
water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in
it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing
impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins.

"I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked a
way.  The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.  When the
waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.  There,
placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to
leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway.  Then he hid
himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.  Some of
the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked
around it.  Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but
none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables.  Upon approaching
the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to
the side of the road.  After much pushing and straining, he finally
succeeded.  After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a
purse lying in the road where the boulder had been.  The purse contained
many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for
the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.  The peasant learned
what many of us never understand!

Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a
little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease.  Her
only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year
old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had
developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.  The doctor explained
the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be
willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying,
"Yes I'll do it if it will save her."  As the transfusion progressed, he lay
in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color
returning to her cheek.  Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start
to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was
going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her life.
 
Such a brave, loving, selfless act for one so young...


"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, dance like  nobody's watching, and live like it's Heaven on Earth."
"Love & respect yourself properly! You are the only one who will be your constant companion throughout your life." 


Edited by *~* Shorty *~*
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*~* Shorty *~*
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Quote *~* Shorty *~* Replybullet Posted: March 29 2005 at 5:50pm

Miss, this reminds me of you, so I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!!!

 

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
 
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!
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Quote *~* Shorty *~* Replybullet Posted: March 29 2005 at 5:55pm

Here's another one:

Subject: you gotta wonder 
 
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze  these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."
3. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? 
4. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
5. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
6. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? 
7. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? 
8. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
9. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they re going to look up there anyway? 
10. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! 
11. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why  didn't he just buy dinner?
12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
13. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
14. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
15. Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
16. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
17. Stop singing and read on ...  hehe
18. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
19. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's inside your butt? 
20. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he likes to stick his head out the window?
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*~* Shorty *~*
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Quote *~* Shorty *~* Replybullet Posted: March 29 2005 at 5:56pm
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day.
Tomorrow is not looking good either.

 2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make
as they go flying by.

 3. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without
it.

 4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.

 5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the
first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.

 6. I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.

 7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I
thought to myself,  "where the heck is the ceiling?"

 8. My reality cheque bounced.

9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

 10. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.

11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut
butter.

 12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy
and taste good with ketchup.

 13. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then
beat you with experience. (to true!!)

 15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.

16. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

 17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of
the month than you did before. It's been proven.

 18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to
get.

 19. You can go anywhere you want, if you look serious and carry a
clipboard.

 20. Eat one live toad first thing in the morning and nothing
worse will happen to you the rest of the day. I promise!

 21. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

22. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

 23. Following the rules will not get the job done.

 24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more
easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

 25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.

 26. There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased
this line.

 27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be
the king.
 28. If at first you don't succeed...... sky-diving isn't, or should we say wasn't, for you.

 29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life; so get wasted
all of the time and have the time of your life.
30. When everything is coming your way...... you're in the wrong lane.
 
Have a nice day, and don't forget to smile!
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Quote GhostFace Replybullet Posted: March 29 2005 at 7:26pm
amazing dorie i loved all of it especially the one about staring in bed looking at the stars. All of it was good pretty inspirational too good job
FREE THEM ALL!!!!!!
FREE THEM ALL!!!!!!
FREE THEM ALL!!!!!!
FREE THEM ALL!!!!!!
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Quote Gadget Replybullet Posted: March 30 2005 at 12:39am
Originally posted by *~* Shorty *~*

12. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

 
Why is it that It took thinking to really get all the other ones but this one came to me the second after i read the word "tests"?


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Dc Planecrazy
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Quote Dc Planecrazy Replybullet Posted: September 27 2005 at 10:33pm
   (Think Positive)John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a
       good mood and always has something positive to say. When
       someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I
       were any better, I would be twins!"

       He was a natural motivator.

       If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the
       employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

       Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up
      and asked him, "I don't get it!
       You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do
       it?"

       He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have
       two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ..
       you can choose to be in a bad mood.

       I choose to be in a good mood."

       Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim
       or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

       Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to
       accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive
       side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

       "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

       "Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut
       away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how
       you react to situations. You choose how people affect your
       mood.

       You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line:
       It's your choice how you live your life."

       I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower
       Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often
       thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of
       reacting to it.

       Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious
       accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
       After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was
       released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
       I saw him about six months after the accident.

       When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better,
       I'd be twins Wanna see my scars?"

       I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone
       through his mind as the accident took place.

       "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being
       of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on
       the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose
       to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

       "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

       He continued, "..the paramedics were great.

       They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they
       wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces
       of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes,
       I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

       "What did you do?" I asked.

       "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,"
       said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I
       replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited
       for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

       Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live.
       Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

       He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because
       of his amazing attitude... I learned from him that every day we
       have the choice to live fully.

       Attitude, after all, is everything.

       Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry
       about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew
       6:34.

       After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
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Quote Dc Planecrazy Replybullet Posted: October 29 2005 at 7:32pm
Hi All I like this one and thought it worked for this fourm ... In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out.

How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school . the Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they WILL think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit.

If not then just discard it... no one will know you did.

But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in!!



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