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IvIi$$
*O.B.C*Team Member Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 982 |
Topic: Joke thread! Posted: June 05 2004 at 5:06am |
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Edited by IvIi$$ |
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Give me liberty or give me death.
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deadriver
Noob* Joined: June 03 2004 Location: Canada Online Status: Offline Posts: 9 |
Posted: June 05 2004 at 9:48pm |
This isn't that dirty or whatever but I thought it was pretty funny: A pirate walks into a store and the salesperson quesitons the pirate saying, "Um sir, you seem to have a steering wheel hanging out of our pants." The pirate responds, "Ahrrr!! They're driving me nuts!!"
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KamiKaze
*Forum Addict* Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 104 |
Posted: June 06 2004 at 4:43am |
god miss, I laughed the whole time I read the mans section of yours!!! Mainly because most of it is true, ROFLMAO.
A scottish tourist in America went to his first baseball game. Kinda confused, he just sat back and watched what the crowd did. The first batter made a base hit, and he noticed all the fans yelling "run". The next batter also made a base hit and with his newly found wisdom of the game, he jumped and said (in his thick Scottish accent) "R-r-r-uunn Yah Bastad!!" He was feelin pretty confident about the game at this time. So the next batter was up. Ball 1, Ball 2, Ball 3, Ball 4--he was walked. THe Scottish man jumped up and yelled "R-r-r-uunn Yah Bastad!!" Everyone in the crowd looked at him funny and laughed. Feeling embarrased, he sat down in his chair. An American guy sittin next to him noticed his despair and walked up to him and said "Hey man, he doesn't have to run, he's got 4 balls." The Scottish man quickly jumped up and said "Walk with P-r-r-ide Man, Walk with P-r-r-ide!!" Like Deadrivers, not the nastiest, but I thought it was hilarious. Edited by KamiKaze |
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Stay Real, Stay True. Know where you're comin from so you'll know where you're going to. Don't sing it, BRING IT! |
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KamiKaze
*Forum Addict* Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 104 |
Posted: June 06 2004 at 4:51am |
Confucious Says: He who falls asleep with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger. Baseball is wrong, man with 4 balls can't walk. Man who drop watch in toilet is bound to have sh*tty time. Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok. Take many nails to make a crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Stay Real, Stay True. Know where you're comin from so you'll know where you're going to. Don't sing it, BRING IT! |
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IvIi$$
*O.B.C*Team Member Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 982 |
Posted: June 30 2004 at 8:03pm |
A Redheaded chick was walking along the railroad tracks counting one day...28 , 28 , 28 , 28
and along came a blonde chick who asked "What are you doing?" And the Redhead said "counting" The Blonde then asked "counting what?"
A train came along and the Redhead jumped off the tracks, let the train pass,
(hit the blonde and killed her) And began skipping along the tracks again singing, 29, 29 , 29 , 29 ,29
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Give me liberty or give me death.
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rastanot
Groupie* Joined: June 25 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 35 |
Posted: July 11 2004 at 4:31am |
What's long, green, and smells like pork?
Kermit the Frog's finger. |
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IvIi$$
*O.B.C*Team Member Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 982 |
Posted: July 16 2004 at 12:08am |
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into his own hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or
significant other. DANGEROUS: What's for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner? ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate. DANGEROUS: What did you do all day? SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today. SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe! ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
Remember Always! Money talks...but chocolate sings! |
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Give me liberty or give me death.
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IvIi$$
*O.B.C*Team Member Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 982 |
Posted: July 16 2004 at 12:10am |
A 6th grade science teacher asked her class, "Which human body part
Second, you didn't read your
And third, one day you are going to be VERY, VERY disappointed! |
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Give me liberty or give me death.
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Lynn
*O.B.C*Team Member I love Dan! Joined: June 09 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 1071 |
Posted: August 12 2004 at 12:50am |
Fire has anyone in here ever been fully engulfed in fire,, its got to be so hot, that is way to f**king hot!" You know what would be the worse. What if you dove in the pool, and while you were at the bottom of the pool, somebody pored oil on the surface and lit it on fire. Youd just got to keep swimming around feeling for a spot where theres no f**king fire. Then what if you found a circle where theres no fire, but the second you came up a big dude just punched you in the face. Get back in the fiery water!" ***DaneCook**** |
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IvIi$$
*O.B.C*Team Member Joined: June 03 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 982 |
Posted: August 19 2004 at 10:59pm |
It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection, and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough, and Jane Dough, who has one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, The California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart "cookie", wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. The funeral service was held for about 20 minutes, at 3:50. |
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Give me liberty or give me death.
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Gopherboy
*Forum Addict* Joined: June 17 2004 Location: United States Online Status: Offline Posts: 329 |
Posted: August 30 2004 at 2:24am |
Heres a good joke i heard this weekend, when i was in Fargo.
A man was sitting on his couch, watching tv, when his wife came home. She marched in and said "I just got back from my women's rights class, i don't have to cater to all your needs!" The man just looked at her, and then went back to watching tv. A while later, she was in the kitchen, and the man asked her if she would get him a cold beer. She replied "I just got back from my women's rights class, I don't have to cater to your needs!" The man, again, ignored her reply, and got up and got his own beer. The next night, the man had come home from work, and asked him wife what was for supper. She again replied "I just got back from my women's rights class, I don't have to cater to your needs!" So, once again, the man ignored his wifes snotty responce, and made his own supper. Later that night, when the couple was getting into bed, the man asked his wife if she would have sex with him. She replied "I just got back from my women's rights class, I don't have to cater to your physical needs!" The man, finally frustrated with all this, said "alright then, how would you like to not see me for three days?" She said that would be great. So for the first day, she didn't see him at all. The second day came and went, and she didn't see him at all. Then on the third day, she could see him just a little bit out of her left eye...... Hope you all get it. It's mean but it's funny. Edited by Gopherboy |
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I plan to live forever. So far, so good.
[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/cronus2010/Gopherboy.jpg "> |
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Blight-Old
*Forum Junkie* Joined: November 06 2004 Location: Somalia Online Status: Offline Posts: 113 |
Posted: November 12 2004 at 6:24pm |
A soldier, a sailor, an airman, and a marine get into an
argument about
what armed force is the best. The argument gets so heated that they fail to see an on-coming truck. They are hit and killed instantly. When they arrive in heaven, they see Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. So they decide he can settle their argument. They walk up and ask him, "Saint Peter, what Military Service is the best?" He thinks for a moment, then says, "Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you. But I'll tell you what. I'll talk to God next time I see Him, and I'll find out for you. In the mean time, welcome to heaven." So they enter. Later, they see Saint Peter while walking around, and they ask him about their question. But before Saint Peter can say anything, trumpets blare, a bright light shines, and a white dove flies out of the light with an envelope in it's beak. Saint Peter says, "Ah, here's the answer from the Boss." He takes the letter, and the dove flies off. He opens it, trumpets play, gold dust flies up, and Saint Peter reads aloud: FROM THE DESK OF GOD TO: SOLDIERS, SAILORS, AIRMEN, AND MARINES RE: WHICH SERVICE IS BEST. Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines, All branches of the United States Armed forces are truly honorable. One should take pride in serving with the Military. You are all well-trained men, all capable of pulling off your job exceedingly well. Therefore, there is no superior service. Sincerely, God, USMC (Ret.) |
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