HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups.

4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,
wide loofah, and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.


6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.


9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair.

11. Shave armpits and legs.

12. Turn off shower.

13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

14. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

15. Check entire body for zits, tweeze hairs.

16. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

17. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Wash your face.

6. Wash your armpits.

7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.

9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

11. Shampoo your hair.

12. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pee.

14. Rinse off and get out of shower.

15. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was
hanging out of tub the whole time.

16. Admire wiener size in mirror again.

17. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

18. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

19. Throw wet towel on bed.

god miss, I laughed the whole time I read the mans section of yours!!!  Mainly because most of it is true, ROFLMAO.

A scottish tourist in America went to his first baseball game.  Kinda confused, he just sat back and watched what the crowd did.  The first batter made a base hit, and he noticed all the fans yelling "run".  The next batter also made a base hit and with his newly found wisdom of the game, he jumped and said (in his thick Scottish accent) "R-r-r-uunn Yah Bastad!!"  He was feelin pretty confident about the game at this time.  So the next batter was up.  Ball 1, Ball 2, Ball 3, Ball 4--he was walked.  THe Scottish man jumped up and yelled "R-r-r-uunn Yah Bastad!!"  Everyone in the crowd looked at him funny and laughed.  Feeling embarrased, he sat down in his chair.  An American guy sittin next to him noticed his despair and walked up to him and said "Hey man, he doesn't have to run, he's got 4 balls."  The Scottish man quickly jumped up and said "Walk with P-r-r-ide Man, Walk with P-r-r-ide!!"

Like Deadrivers, not the nastiest, but I thought it was hilarious.

A Redheaded chick was walking along the railroad tracks counting one day...28 , 28 , 28 , 28

and along came a blonde chick who asked "What are you doing?"

And the Redhead said "counting"

The Blonde then asked "counting what?"

A train came along and the Redhead jumped off the tracks, let the train pass,

(hit the blonde and killed her)

And began skipping along the tracks again singing,

29, 29 , 29 , 29 ,29

 Fire has anyone in here  ever been fully engulfed in fire,,  its got to be so hot, that is way to f**king hot!"   

You know what would be the worse. What if you dove in the pool, and while you were at the bottom of the pool, somebody pored oil on the surface and lit it on fire. Youd  just got to keep swimming around feeling for a spot where theres no f**king fire. Then what if you found a circle where theres no fire, but the second you came up a big dude just punched you in the face.  Get back in the fiery water!" ***DaneCook****

Heres a good joke i heard this weekend, when i was in Fargo.

A man was sitting on his couch, watching tv, when his wife came home.  She marched in and said "I just got back from my women's rights class, i don't have to cater to all your needs!"

The man just looked at her, and then went back to watching tv.  A while later, she was in the kitchen, and the man asked her if she would get him a cold beer.  She replied "I just got back from my women's rights class, I don't have to cater to your needs!"

The man, again, ignored her reply, and got up and got his own beer. 

The next night, the man had come home from work, and asked him wife what was for supper.  She again replied "I just got back from my women's rights class, I don't have to cater to your needs!"

So, once again, the man ignored his wifes snotty responce, and made his own supper.   Later that night, when the couple was getting into bed, the man asked his wife if she would have sex with him.  She replied "I just got back from my women's rights class, I don't have to cater to your physical needs!" 

The man, finally frustrated with all this, said "alright then, how would you like to not see me for three days?"  She said that would be great. 

So for the first day, she didn't see him at all.   The second day came and went, and she didn't see him at all.

Then on the third day, she could see him just a little bit out of her left eye......

 Hope you all get it. It's mean but it's funny.